Dear mum
I write this with mixed feelings - deep sadness that you died so young and in so much pain, deep sadness that you left a 5 yr old daughter and two very confused sons of 13 & 16.
I am also sad that you did not protect me from regularly getting the shit beaten out of me, even when he used the steel bar and the time when I was 13 and he broke my nose for telling you to ['edit]am also still very angry that your short temper caused most of the violence, you never had a good word to say about either me or Phil. I am extremely sad that it took me until I was 30 to meet a woman who had the patience and love to help me work out most of the issues I had over such a screwed up childhood. I am sad that my memories of you are so faded and also that you never met my wonderful wife, I think you would have liked her. I am sad that you were never there for me when it mattered and that you left us so alone when you died. I am very sad and angry that you perpetuated the religious zealotry in our house even to the lengths of pushing for me to be baptised just after your death.
I am glad that your suffering ended, that you finally found peace after a tough life. I am also glad that I have turned out reasonably balanced despite you and my father.
I am heartbroken that you werent there to see me on my wedding day, and that you will never see your grandchildren hen they come.
I love you and miss you very much
Steve